Tone Deaf: The Top 10 Worst People at What Started it All: The Airport

Through 16 episodes, you have heard Joey and I talk about tone deaf people and moments from our lives. If you are new to our page, Tone Deaf Moment of the Week is a part of our Outside the Line segment on our main Wrong Side podcast hosted by myself and co-creator of Wrong Side Joey Zolnierek. We go through a moment in our lives over the past week where someone or something is just being flat out tone deaf. The origin of this topic though may not be known by all Wrong Siders. It originated from all of the people watching I do in airports and seeing which people know how to travel and which ones do not. I will be the first one to say it: I am an airport etiquette snob. I don’t think there are many things that I care about more than airport etiquette. From bag drop off to when you walk off the plane where we are landing, I will notice all of your moves.  

I know it sounds ridiculous, but this crazy topic of airport travelers is what sparked the idea of our Tone Deaf segment. So it is only fitting that on the first day of our new site and blog platform, you hear from me: the Top 10 Worst People at the airport. 

Starting off at #10….Chatty Kathy. This person can go either way for me and I think the number ten spot is perfect. Usually, I fly out on Sundays from places I visit, and I have had a long weekend. I am not in the mood to find out who we may know in a random city we both have heard of. That being said, if I were traveling on a Sunday and the Cowboys had just won, I would happily welcome a good ball talk in row 24 of the plane. 

Next at #9…the Crying Baby. Everyone knows these are a staple in the list of the worst people at the airport, but it's a basic annoyance to me. Most babies do it, and you just pray you get lucky and the one next to you sleeps for most of the flight. 

At #8…Video at Full Volume with no headphones. Turn your damn phone down or put some damn headphones in!! It is so simple and past iPhones should have come with headphones, so I know they have had at least 1 pair in their life!! 

#7 on my big board…People wearing Michigan gear. That is it. I puke almost every time I am walking through the airport and see someone wearing it. It is hideous and all of their fans are now coming out of their bunkers for the first time since 1997. I am tired of seeing them. Get me to Thanksgiving please!   

Rivalry 

Coming in at #6…Southwest guy who NEEDS to be in his exact boarding group spot. We are going to the same place buddy. We are all in the same seats. It is a 2 hour flight to Denver. Just relax dude you will still get an overhead compartment. 

At #5… Flight attendant comedian after delays. If you have been delayed for hours, and the flight attendant comes on the airplane mic and starts their comedy routine, they deserve to be thrown out of the plane at 10,000 feet. What kind of sick person wants to hear some jokes after being delayed three hours at the Oakland Airport??? Get me HOME!!!!!

#4 on the big board…”Can I take this full water bottle through?” I sat and thought about putting this at #1. This has been a rule for ages. I understand if you do not travel a lot you might not know this TSA rule when you get there, but by the time you are in line, you should know it. Whether it is 5:30 am or 9:30 pm, the TSA agents scream it to the mountain tops to dump out all the water or throw water bottles away. You hear it for the entire time. Why would you ask about it again when you have to put your backpack on the conveyor for the scanner??? Do you not listen?? Are you dumb?? Pay attention. Actually, everyone needs to lock in for when they hand their ID to the TSA agent as well. Entire TSA process open your ears! 

The Bronze Medal at #3…People who stand when the plane lands. You knew it was coming. It is a solid bronze medal for the worst people at the airport. I will never understand why Johnny and Sally un buckle as soon as we reach the gate while they stand in row 35 waiting to deboard. What do you get from standing? An uncomfortable standing position to stretch your legs? Sit down please you look like a fool. 

The Silver Medal at #2…Shoes and Socks off. You are a disgusting, rancid, putrid person if you do this. If you take your shoes off, it is equally as bad. You probably land at #4 on this list. But this spot is for if you take off both. I have seen these people. I used to have people I called friends do this. I needed to get them out of my life. You are a real sick and twisted individual if you do this on the flight. But not as bad as the WORST Person at the Airport….

Coming at #1…..PEOPLE WHO BRING SMELLY FOOD. This one strikes a little too deep for me because of a recent traumatic incident that has landed it at #1 on my list. It was a 7am flight out of Columbus headed to St. Louis. An easy hour 20 up and down flight going to see my girlfriend. Southwest flight, aisle seat, just ready to sleep for a little longer. Right before we were about to move away from the gate, the mom in the aisle seat to my right asked if her son could sit in my seat and I could switch with him. She offers up her aisle seat and she will move to the window when her son goes to my seat. I decide to accept since I still end up with an aisle seat in the same row. One would think that this act of kindness would be rewarded. Boy was I wrong. This family was traveling with a husband and wife, 3 little kids, and a set of grandparents. At about the 40 min mark, they did something that will live in infamy. Most people bring bagels, coffee, and granola bars on flights, but not this family. They decided to pass out HARD BOILED EGGS to the ENTIRE family sitting around me. Passing them through the air like a 6-4-3 double play, I could barely contain myself. I genuinely thought that I was going to puke at the smell of them. They passed around the salt and pepper as well on the flight like they were sitting at the kitchen table. It was the worst experience I have ever had on the plane and the reason why stinky food has landed at #1 on my list. 

Please be smart when you are at the airport. Don’t be an idiot. Be efficient and don’t act like it is your first time interacting with other people. You never know when the airport judge will see you slip up!